I couldn’t find the right quote this month and so, I am going to write this without that as a guide. There is a lot that I want to tell you, a lot that I want to share. Sometimes, I don’t have the words to perfectly do that, which, as a songwriter, frustrates me.
I should have the words.
We just finished the tour, which is always emotional and….as you can imagine…the travel is exhausting and exhilarating all at once. Our time in Canada was incredible. The fans are passionate about Country and it was a beautiful journey. I wish I could explain it to you so that you could feel it.
I should have the words.
Being on stage with the Easy Money Band and with Toby is always interesting, always different, always incredibly special…looking out at the fans, watching people sing and dance and laugh is, at times, surreal and I want you to see what I see.
I should have the words.
Walking into my house after several weeks away is so exciting. My “girls” (the dogs) passionately run out of the garage, jump and bark and smile, I swear they smile. I laugh and tell them, “Mommy is home and she loves you…” I would like for you to hear what I hear.
I should have the words
The reality is that we don’t always have the words. And as much as we try to find them, and to speak them sometimes they are simply not there…sometimes the words we desire escape us, maybe sometimes they hide from us…I think that sometimes words know that they are not enough. I think that sometimes words know that they can’t do what silence can…. Silence can make you sad, make you wonder, make you pause in your steps. Silence can help you think, can give you peace…it can lull you to sleep and it can keep you awake. Silence can be a yes, it can be a no and it can be a maybe. Silence encompasses all and at the same time is nothing. And once again…
I should have the words…
But I don’t. and I bet you can still hear me. I bet that my lack of words is somehow powerful enough to give you this hint…all of the words I couldn’t find…the words to describe Canada, my stage life with Toby, and my home…all of those experiences are beyond words, and therefore Silence is sufficient.
For this month I ask you, have you been trying to speak when words are not necessary; have you been hoping to hear something from someone when all of the time Silence is desperately hoping that you will listen to her…hoping you will listen to what isn’t being said and wanting you to understand that sometimes words only confuse the beautiful essence of what is…
Sunday, October 19, 2008
September Meditations
“I felt trapped and fabricated in the fifties living up to other people's expectations.”
Rosemary Clooney
Let me start out by saying that I wrote the September journal, as I normally do, at the start of this month. And, as it typically does, it went through the same process. So why, you may be wondering is it September 17th and the September journal is just making its way to the web… I have a simple response, my computer crashed and I was out on tour.
Am I frustrated? Yes, and mainly because I have set this expectation for myself. I expect that I will get my writing done in time, especially since I have previously. And, as I thought about this, I realized that not only do I expect myself to be timely, but I expect much, much more of myself and often of the people who surround me.
So, here is the new mid-September Journal…and oh boy do I have a lot to tell you…
You know that what I do puts me in the spotlight, puts me in a place where the expectations are high. First, I expect that I will have a great show every night; that my voice will be strong, my performance enthusiastic, and my energy boundless. I expect that I will look great and, in turn, be able to entertain the audience to the best of my ability. And, I suppose that the audience expects all of this too; why wouldn’t they? They paid for the ticket; they should get a great show. These expectations d0 weigh on me but I feel them to be necessary and part of my job description…
But, where all of this pondering of expectations has brought me is not on-stage, rather off. The more and more I find myself in the public eye, the more I find myself setting higher expectations for myself, and thinking about my reputation. I have lived a fairly decent life…I mean we all make our mistakes and we all live with them. But, all in all, I have remained true to the reputation I have built. And, I have found the ability to forgive myself when I haven’t… which leads me to this: Why do people who are in the public eye expect more of themselves than those who are not? And, why does society put greater expectations on “famous” people than they put on themselves, on their friends and family? And, why do I expect more of myself now then I did before?
Because people are watching. But, don’t you know this…people are always watching. And why does that matter? I can only assume it matters because I am still holding some slight insecurity inside of me. An insecurity that sometimes sets an expectation of perfection, an insecurity that makes me worry about my actions. Afterall, don’t we always do exactly what we want to do and then only question our actions once under the microscope of another’s eyes?
Of course my reputation is important and of course I will continue to set professional expectations for myself…but when it comes to the expectations I set for me as an imperfect human, I hopefully will eventually come to only expect from myself that which I truly want…and that is what all of this is about…don’t create expectations for yourself that you don’t want…don’t settle into a fabricated life because of other’s expectations and don’t, please don’t expect more from someone else that you yourself can give…we all have our flaws, some are just more public than others…
Rosemary Clooney
Let me start out by saying that I wrote the September journal, as I normally do, at the start of this month. And, as it typically does, it went through the same process. So why, you may be wondering is it September 17th and the September journal is just making its way to the web… I have a simple response, my computer crashed and I was out on tour.
Am I frustrated? Yes, and mainly because I have set this expectation for myself. I expect that I will get my writing done in time, especially since I have previously. And, as I thought about this, I realized that not only do I expect myself to be timely, but I expect much, much more of myself and often of the people who surround me.
So, here is the new mid-September Journal…and oh boy do I have a lot to tell you…
You know that what I do puts me in the spotlight, puts me in a place where the expectations are high. First, I expect that I will have a great show every night; that my voice will be strong, my performance enthusiastic, and my energy boundless. I expect that I will look great and, in turn, be able to entertain the audience to the best of my ability. And, I suppose that the audience expects all of this too; why wouldn’t they? They paid for the ticket; they should get a great show. These expectations d0 weigh on me but I feel them to be necessary and part of my job description…
But, where all of this pondering of expectations has brought me is not on-stage, rather off. The more and more I find myself in the public eye, the more I find myself setting higher expectations for myself, and thinking about my reputation. I have lived a fairly decent life…I mean we all make our mistakes and we all live with them. But, all in all, I have remained true to the reputation I have built. And, I have found the ability to forgive myself when I haven’t… which leads me to this: Why do people who are in the public eye expect more of themselves than those who are not? And, why does society put greater expectations on “famous” people than they put on themselves, on their friends and family? And, why do I expect more of myself now then I did before?
Because people are watching. But, don’t you know this…people are always watching. And why does that matter? I can only assume it matters because I am still holding some slight insecurity inside of me. An insecurity that sometimes sets an expectation of perfection, an insecurity that makes me worry about my actions. Afterall, don’t we always do exactly what we want to do and then only question our actions once under the microscope of another’s eyes?
Of course my reputation is important and of course I will continue to set professional expectations for myself…but when it comes to the expectations I set for me as an imperfect human, I hopefully will eventually come to only expect from myself that which I truly want…and that is what all of this is about…don’t create expectations for yourself that you don’t want…don’t settle into a fabricated life because of other’s expectations and don’t, please don’t expect more from someone else that you yourself can give…we all have our flaws, some are just more public than others…
August Meditations
“Trust the process of your life. A path we choose may turn out to be difficult, but that doesn't mean it was the wrong choice. All we can do in this life is to handle what's in front of us, accept ourselves and others as we are.” Dan Millman
It would be hypocritical of me to tell you that I always trust my life, and at the same time, as I type this, I think it so odd that I don’t. I guess it is scary to do so. To get into the passenger seat of a car with a driver you can barely see and declare, “I trust you to take me where I need to be.”
Who does that? Strangely enough, I do.
And I do it almost everyday. I get on my bus and our driver takes us where we need to be, or I get on a plane and the pilot takes me to my destination. I don’t attempt to tell either of them where to take me; I don’t offer my “route” to them. I just get in, enjoy the ride and listen.
I listen to the sounds of life around me…
A little girl was flying back to her parents from her grandmother’s house and the little boy was flying between parents. The little boy spent his entire 100 dollars on this visit... with whichever parent he was leaving. The little girl was just excited to have a layover in the town where Myle Cyrus was born. She was excited about a layover.
The 16 year old kid next to me, across the isle, was escorting his grandmother on this flight. He ordered her drinks, covered her in a blanket... held on to her shoulders down the isle when she had to use the restroom... and he was just happy to be able to hold on to her shoulders, to cover her. At 16 life handed him the lesson of unconditional love and he was living it.
It was at this moment I reopened my book and read the words, "Trust your life"
Can it really be that simple? Just…"trust your life"... really? I paused and glanced up. I guess the kids next to and across from me were just living life, just dealing with it as it is....so why can't we?
Because we don’t want to. Yes, it is that simple. If we trust our life, we have to accept the disappointments, the sorrow, the anger, and the hard times. We have to accept all of it, as is. And, we don’t want to, but we have to start.
I have to start, because if I don’t then I am negating who I am. I am saying that the life I am living isn’t worthy of being lived and I am discrediting the process. I am not acting with “childlike faith”, like the kids on the plane. I am trying to control, maneuver, negotiate and most likely mess up the process that I am living.
So, for this month, “trust the process of your life”. Be a perceptive passenger along for the ride. Watch the way that children go with the flow, oblivious to the unnecessary drama that can envelop us. See, with clear vision, what is directly in front of you and deal with that first, no matter what it is. Tackle it, set it aside and move forward.
It would be hypocritical of me to tell you that I always trust my life, and at the same time, as I type this, I think it so odd that I don’t. I guess it is scary to do so. To get into the passenger seat of a car with a driver you can barely see and declare, “I trust you to take me where I need to be.”
Who does that? Strangely enough, I do.
And I do it almost everyday. I get on my bus and our driver takes us where we need to be, or I get on a plane and the pilot takes me to my destination. I don’t attempt to tell either of them where to take me; I don’t offer my “route” to them. I just get in, enjoy the ride and listen.
I listen to the sounds of life around me…
A little girl was flying back to her parents from her grandmother’s house and the little boy was flying between parents. The little boy spent his entire 100 dollars on this visit... with whichever parent he was leaving. The little girl was just excited to have a layover in the town where Myle Cyrus was born. She was excited about a layover.
The 16 year old kid next to me, across the isle, was escorting his grandmother on this flight. He ordered her drinks, covered her in a blanket... held on to her shoulders down the isle when she had to use the restroom... and he was just happy to be able to hold on to her shoulders, to cover her. At 16 life handed him the lesson of unconditional love and he was living it.
It was at this moment I reopened my book and read the words, "Trust your life"
Can it really be that simple? Just…"trust your life"... really? I paused and glanced up. I guess the kids next to and across from me were just living life, just dealing with it as it is....so why can't we?
Because we don’t want to. Yes, it is that simple. If we trust our life, we have to accept the disappointments, the sorrow, the anger, and the hard times. We have to accept all of it, as is. And, we don’t want to, but we have to start.
I have to start, because if I don’t then I am negating who I am. I am saying that the life I am living isn’t worthy of being lived and I am discrediting the process. I am not acting with “childlike faith”, like the kids on the plane. I am trying to control, maneuver, negotiate and most likely mess up the process that I am living.
So, for this month, “trust the process of your life”. Be a perceptive passenger along for the ride. Watch the way that children go with the flow, oblivious to the unnecessary drama that can envelop us. See, with clear vision, what is directly in front of you and deal with that first, no matter what it is. Tackle it, set it aside and move forward.
July Meditations
“Laughter is an instant vacation.” Milton Berle
Summer time is usually a time to get away; for me and many of us in the music business, it is a time to get back to work. I know that is a strange concept because for the audience, a concert is a break from the monotony of daily life and a time to have fun.
And, it should be just that.
There is nothing better than getting lost in the components of a show…the lights, the pyrotechnics, the images on the big screen, the rocking sounds of the band and the voice of the artist that drew you there. It is very easy to get lost in the performance and as you watch, for that two hours, everything else in your life seems distant and cloudy...your voice blends with the singer and you become a part of the action…you sing every word, isn’t it amazing how you know every word?
And you escape…you are totally focused and living in the moment. It is meditation in motion…
It carries a distinct likeness to being with old friends. Together you tell stories that have been told over and over. Together you laugh as your mind transports you back in time…and as your best friend tells that same old story, you begin to recite favorite lines with him or her… isn’t it amazing how you know every word?
In these valued moments the worries of the future, and regrets of the past freeze. It is like someone hits pause on the concerns and the fears, for they are not at this table and we aren’t feeding them with our internal dialogue…we are simply present, living, loving and joyful…
That is what laughter does. Besides dissolving tension, stress, anxiety, anger, grief, and depression, laughter makes you more open to give and receive love. I mean can you really be mad at yourself or someone else when you are smiling?
I am not trying to downplay the troubles or conflicts in your life. I know that they are very real, and often very overwhelming. I simply want you to know that finding a lightness or humor in a situation can truly make the issue a little easier to deal with. And if you can’t get away this summer on a “true” vacation, gather your friends and family and laugh…it is really an instant getaway…
Summer time is usually a time to get away; for me and many of us in the music business, it is a time to get back to work. I know that is a strange concept because for the audience, a concert is a break from the monotony of daily life and a time to have fun.
And, it should be just that.
There is nothing better than getting lost in the components of a show…the lights, the pyrotechnics, the images on the big screen, the rocking sounds of the band and the voice of the artist that drew you there. It is very easy to get lost in the performance and as you watch, for that two hours, everything else in your life seems distant and cloudy...your voice blends with the singer and you become a part of the action…you sing every word, isn’t it amazing how you know every word?
And you escape…you are totally focused and living in the moment. It is meditation in motion…
It carries a distinct likeness to being with old friends. Together you tell stories that have been told over and over. Together you laugh as your mind transports you back in time…and as your best friend tells that same old story, you begin to recite favorite lines with him or her… isn’t it amazing how you know every word?
In these valued moments the worries of the future, and regrets of the past freeze. It is like someone hits pause on the concerns and the fears, for they are not at this table and we aren’t feeding them with our internal dialogue…we are simply present, living, loving and joyful…
That is what laughter does. Besides dissolving tension, stress, anxiety, anger, grief, and depression, laughter makes you more open to give and receive love. I mean can you really be mad at yourself or someone else when you are smiling?
I am not trying to downplay the troubles or conflicts in your life. I know that they are very real, and often very overwhelming. I simply want you to know that finding a lightness or humor in a situation can truly make the issue a little easier to deal with. And if you can’t get away this summer on a “true” vacation, gather your friends and family and laugh…it is really an instant getaway…
June Meditations...
“The smallest deed is better than the greatest intention.” Trisha Yearwood
Finding an understanding of what is meant to be.
When something does not occur that was in our plan we often console ourselves with the phrase, “it wasn’t meant to be,” making an assumption that what didn’t happen, what we wanted to happen was not actually in our best interest and that what did occur must be better. Although, we rarely truly feel that way…
When we don’t get what we want we assume that it “wasn’t meant to be” and take that which happened as a consolation prize…leaving us to feel somehow cheated.
The phrase “it wasn’t meant to be” is bittersweet and pretty much a gentle way of saying, I didn’t get what I wanted so I will have to gracefully accept that which is.
That is foolish…And, I am sorry to be so blunt but really…it is.
It is our minds way of taking words and verbally tricking us into believing that we have control over what happens to us…we don’t. Oh, don’t get me wrong…we are responsible for our choices but at the end of the day we are no more in control of the cards we are dealt then we are in control of the weather…Yet, by stating “it wasn’t meant to be” we feel some authority over the disappointments, and over the loss…
Meant means to intend…and to intend means “to have in mind as something to be done or brought about; plan.” A plan. Ok…so “it wasn’t planned to be” and just who is doing the planning? You? Are you the puppeteer? Because if you were, wouldn’t you pull the strings in your favor?
Think about it is this way…if you fall in love and you intend for him or her to fall in love with you, but they don’t because maybe they have a heart for someone else and they intend for that person to love them…
Oh the crossing of puppet strings…So what does that leave us with?
I don’t know what you believe but you do. You know your convictions about this and you have a vision of your God or the gods… but the point is that there is a master planner, right?
Don’t you want there to be? Do you want to be the person who really controls it all? Think about that for a minute. Do this…imagine a world, created by you. You pull the strings and you get everything you want. Now consider this. What happens to the other players? Whose job did you take? Whose lover? Whose security and peace and well-being? What did someone else lose because you won?
Can you deal with that? I am asking you this because I am really interested. I am not judging but I want to know. So for this month, write me back (if you would) and tell me what would happen to other people if you controlled the strings. Be honest and look at “meant to be” through the eyes of another…
Finding an understanding of what is meant to be.
When something does not occur that was in our plan we often console ourselves with the phrase, “it wasn’t meant to be,” making an assumption that what didn’t happen, what we wanted to happen was not actually in our best interest and that what did occur must be better. Although, we rarely truly feel that way…
When we don’t get what we want we assume that it “wasn’t meant to be” and take that which happened as a consolation prize…leaving us to feel somehow cheated.
The phrase “it wasn’t meant to be” is bittersweet and pretty much a gentle way of saying, I didn’t get what I wanted so I will have to gracefully accept that which is.
That is foolish…And, I am sorry to be so blunt but really…it is.
It is our minds way of taking words and verbally tricking us into believing that we have control over what happens to us…we don’t. Oh, don’t get me wrong…we are responsible for our choices but at the end of the day we are no more in control of the cards we are dealt then we are in control of the weather…Yet, by stating “it wasn’t meant to be” we feel some authority over the disappointments, and over the loss…
Meant means to intend…and to intend means “to have in mind as something to be done or brought about; plan.” A plan. Ok…so “it wasn’t planned to be” and just who is doing the planning? You? Are you the puppeteer? Because if you were, wouldn’t you pull the strings in your favor?
Think about it is this way…if you fall in love and you intend for him or her to fall in love with you, but they don’t because maybe they have a heart for someone else and they intend for that person to love them…
Oh the crossing of puppet strings…So what does that leave us with?
I don’t know what you believe but you do. You know your convictions about this and you have a vision of your God or the gods… but the point is that there is a master planner, right?
Don’t you want there to be? Do you want to be the person who really controls it all? Think about that for a minute. Do this…imagine a world, created by you. You pull the strings and you get everything you want. Now consider this. What happens to the other players? Whose job did you take? Whose lover? Whose security and peace and well-being? What did someone else lose because you won?
Can you deal with that? I am asking you this because I am really interested. I am not judging but I want to know. So for this month, write me back (if you would) and tell me what would happen to other people if you controlled the strings. Be honest and look at “meant to be” through the eyes of another…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
